I have a love/hate relationship with how clean my armes/legs/hips are now. Love because I'm really proud to be three years clean. Hate because the addiction's still here and wants me to have scars and cuts all over.
I often have urges and each time I think I won't be able to control them, even though I always do in the end. However, it's been really bad recently. I'm on a trip with my parents and I'm never alone so I can't binge (the shame is stronger) and the frustration translates into self harm urges. The longer I stay clean, the more complicated it gets. I didn't think it'd be that way.
But I don't wanna be this person anymore, and I'm gonna keep fighting to be the best version of myself. Any ex or recovering self harmers here? How do you think it relates to your ED?