I married Davyd Whaley ten years ago today. It remains the best decision I ever made. We decided rather suddenly, as proposition 8 was on the ballot in California that fall and I was afraid we might not have another opportunity. I already felt married; we wore rings and we’d already been together for four years by that point. But on the morning of September 18, 2008 I looked over at Davyd and said, “Let’s do this while we can, because who knows what the future holds?” And he jumped to his feet and said, “Let’s go now.” We drove to the Beverly Hills Courthouse, got the marriage license and scheduled the ceremony for the following afternoon, September 19, at the Van Nuys City Hall.
I remember standing with Davyd, before the judge, realizing I could not feel any more pure love than I did in that moment, not just given but received. He looked at me with an expression that included every wonderful thing I felt for him. I remember thinking, how blessed I am that he is willing to enter into this commitment with me. And in all my years with him I never felt anything less.
More than anything else, Davyd could always bring me to the present moment, to a place of complete unconditional love. All those years with him now seem like only a few minutes in the realm of time and space, but we reached the top of a mountain. I was able to reach the summit...with him. It is a feeling I carry with me still.
There is a line in the vows, “till death do us part,” but it’s not true. Nothing ends the connection I feel, will always feel, to that beautiful soul who made me feel whole, who made me feel complete. That he died is a tremendous ongoing loss for me, certainly, but physical loss is always inevitable, and only in the temporal realm, on the material plane, not in the space of the mind, not in the eternal space of the heart. In the most essential sense Davyd is as present for me now as he was that day. He was and still is the constant in my life, my true north, my home, and I will continue to celebrate this day, on which I said yes to Love and to him. Whatever it is that we call Love is now a part of me forever. Davyd Whaley is Love...for me.